Packing........

Well, today I decided to bite the bullet, and start packing! I have all the pictures and nic nacs off the walls and packed. The house already looks so bare when the walls are empty. I emptied my bookshelves and have 18 big boxes of books. Whew, I am sore all over and this is only the beginning. The girls are a huge help to me so that makes this big task a bit easier.

House Inspection

Today, Michael & I went out to the property to have the home inspection done. We spent *4* HOURS out there. Some major updating has been done, like, new plumbing, new well, and a new septic (to be installed as soon as the ground is totally thawed). There are also some things that need to be done. Some small, some not so small. I am trusting God to work everything out. Please pray for us to have wisdom, discernment, and peace.

Our new property

If you look on top of the hill across the field, you can see a cross standing there. This can be seen from our living room window. Kaitlyn said she wants to put our piano in front of that window so she can play to JESUS!

Raising Loving Daughters

The Bible tells us this about daughters in Psalm 144:12-13,
“That our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace: that our garners may be full.”

As corner-stones, polished after the similitude of palace, God desires that our daughters grow up to become strong and beautiful ~ and adorned with all the ornaments belonging to their sex. What are the “ornaments” that the Bible teaches belong to the female sex? Titus 2:4-5 describes them as: soberness, love for family, discretion, purity, excellent housekeeping, goodness, and submission to authority.

That’s a tall order, isn’t it? And the reason that it is so important that our daughters be taught and trained in these areas is because (as the Treasury of David so wisely puts it), “Daughters unite families as corner stones join walls together, and at the same time, they adorn them as polished stones garnishing the structure into which they are builded.”

Daughters are an important part of every family, and it is our duty to teach them how to be a blessing to our families now so that they will understand how to be a blessing to the family they will marry into later on.

Matthew Henry writes, “That our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace or temple. By daughters families are united and connected to their mutual strength, as the parts of a building are by the cornerstones; and when they are graceful and beautiful both in body and mind, they are then polished after the similitude of a nice and curious structure. When we see our daughters well established, and stayed with wisdom and discretion, as cornerstones are fastened in the building; when we see them by faith united to Christ, as the chief cornerstone, adorned with the graces of God's Spirit, which are the polishing of that which is naturally rough, and "become women professing godliness"; when we see them purified and consecrated to God as living temples, we think ourselves happy in them.”

So, how are we to go about accomplishing so great a task?

First of all, we must remember that daughters have a great need for love and security.

1. Daughters need to be treated with kindness.

2. Daughters feel loved when we are patient with them.

3. A critical spirit is a destructive thing to a daughter’s spirit ~ it causes her to feel insecure about who she is and what she is able to do.
4. Comparison also causes daughters to feel insecure about themselves. Daughters are in desperate need of acceptance in order to become the polished corner stone of the family that God desires them to be.

5. It’s a mothers job to identify the special needs that her daughter has and help her to overcome or practically accommodate them.

6. Mothers must be careful not attribute motives, nor take offense, lose patience, or take the ridiculous things that daughters do too personally.

7. Mothers must remember that daughters need to be raised in a happy, loving home in order to feel totally secure. No amount of love, compliments or kindness will make up for the fear that is brought into a daughter’s heart by marital strife or divorce.

Secondly, daughters need to be taught to control their emotions.

1. Whining, gossiping and complaining should not be tolerated. Make every effort to train your daughter to be sensible by teaching her how to be thankful, patient and kind as she deals with her every day issues of life.

2. Emotions must be taught to follow and not allowed to lead. The best teacher is example. Make it your goal to be a good example of this so that your daughter can “see” how this is done.

3. Daughters must be taught that they may not use their “hormones” as an excuse for sin!

4. Teach your daughter how to manage her tears. There is a time for tears ~ when they are hurt, when someone they know or see is seriously injured or dies. But crying is not something that should continue on and on ~ they should be short and brief. Even in the case of death of a loved one: there is a time to cry, and there is a time to cease from crying.

5. The same goes for silliness. Giggling and acting giddy is fine at times, but too much of it makes a girl ridiculous.

Thirdly, daughters must be raised to embrace their femininity.

1. Daughters should be taught to be home-centered. They should be encouraged to love working with their hands ~ both in housework and handiwork.

2. Daughters should be encouraged to wear dresses, fix their hair and want to look pretty.
a. However, we must be diligent to encourage them to be MODEST and pretty. The female body is a beautiful creation of God and modesty teaches them that it is a precious thing that must be saved for their future husband (and not the whole world) to enjoy.

b. We also must be careful not to raise our daughters to be too prissy or “primadonas” who only a mother and father is able to tolerate and love :).

3. Daughters must be encouraged to play with toys that will encourage her to home-centered and not bedroom-centered.

4. Daughters must be taught and trained how to respond to the men around them.

a. Daughters have a God given need for male attention. Teach them when they are little how to love and serve Dad, so that Dad will enjoy being around them.

b. Teach your daughter how to respect her Dad and brothers. This is will prepare her to enjoy good success when she is married to her own man later on.

Mothers are the role models for their daughters, and it is important that we realize that we are teaching our daughters every day by the way we live. As Christian mothers, it is vital that we commit ourselves to living as the godly women that we would want our daughters to grow up to become. This is a tall order, but one which is certainly possible as we grow in the grace and knowledge of our loving God.

The puppies have arrived!

This morning at around 9:35, our dog, Angel, started having her puppies. Everything went exceptionally well. Momma and babies are doing great. We have 3 BOYS & 6 GIRLS!!! You can visit our website at http://www.autumnacreslabradors.com/ or our puppy blog at http://autumnacreslabradors.blogspot.com/

St. Paddy's Day!

I am celebrating my Irish roots today. My Mom always made us kids dress in all green every St. Patricks Day. She goes all out, green shirt, green pants, shamrock necklace, earrings, and a pin she wears. One year, she even dyed her hair green. It took 6 months to get it out! Needless to say, she never did that again. My Mom is 100% Irish, so in her honor, I did wear green today :o)

A Change of Heart

Up to this point, my posts have been all about finding a new home. This post is a little more serious, but one I feel I need to share. It's all about finding God's will. Knowing what His Word says and then following it, even when you don't understand and even when everyone else thinks you are crazy. Everyone wants God's blessings, right? Well, not necessarily. See everyone would like God to bless them with good health, a great job, a big house, you know, material things. But what about God's greatest blessings.........Children? In today's society, the average american home consists of 2 children. Some may even have 3 if the other two are the same gender. How sad is that? I bought into that lie and cut off God's blessings after 3 beautiful daughters. It is a mistake I will never forget, but one I know that I am forgiven. Get comfy because this is going to be a long post.

Here's my story...........

This is the story of my tubal reversal journey. I have to start at the beginning, so let’s go back several years. On June 17, 1994 I gave birth to our third daughter, Kristina Autumn. I was so happy to have another beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl. At the same time, I was very sad as I had consented to have my tubes tied. My mother and especially my Dr told me it was the responsible thing to do. After all, I already had 3 children, I was 31 and getting older. I was also told, three children are more than enough. I should be happy with that and quit. We were not Christians at this time so we didn't pray and ask God what we should do.

I didn't think much about it in the coming months or even years because I was enjoying the children I had. However, every now and then, I would see a pregnant woman or a woman with a newborn and I would get a little twinge of sadness, but it soon faded.

In 1996 both Michael and I became Christians. September 1998, My world totally changed. One night after Michael and I had been together, Michael felt the Lord lead him to pray that I would conceive. After I fell asleep he laid his hands on my tummy and prayed that the Lord would bless us and allow me to conceive. The next morning he told me what he did and I was very upset and said "You know that's impossible!" his reply was, "Nothing is impossible with God!" From that moment on, the desire to have another child burned inside me.We prayed every month that God would miraculously allow me to conceive, but month after month there was no baby and month after month there was major disappointment.

In April of 1999 I was on the internet looking at information on tubal ligations. To my surprise, I found information on tubal reversals. I had no idea that a tubal ligation could be reversed. The Dr told me it was PERMANENT! I was shocked to see the prices of reversals. In my state they ranged from $10,000.00 to over $15,000.00. I contacted our insurance company to see if they covered it and their reply was "No, because it is an elective surgery." I said "So is a tubal ligation, but you paid for that 100%." They had no response to that. Isn't it amazing that insurance companies will pay to take away your fertility but not to restore it?

Well, there was no way we could come up with that kind of money. We asked our parents for a loan and they both told us no. Every road we took lead to a dead end. We were devastated. As I researched more and prayed, the Lord led me to a doctor in North Carolina. His name is Dr. Gary Berger. I read he had been doing tubal reversals for over 20 years. He was a highly respected and experienced Dr. Women from all over the world went to him. His fee was $5,500.00 but that was still too much for us.

About this time, we had been visiting a little church where a friend of ours was filling in as their pastor. We asked him to pray for us, as I was seeking to have a surgery that insurance didn't cover. That are the only details we gave him. A few weeks later, I received a phone call from a member of that church. This dear sweet woman was in her 70's. She called to tell me that the Lord wanted her to pay for my surgery! I told her she had no idea what it was for or how much it cost. She said it didn't matter because she was being obedient to the Lord. I began crying and couldn't believe that the Lord really was answering our prayer. This woman not only paid for my surgery but for the airfare for Michael and me to go to North Carolina, our hotel and our food. I had my tubal reversal on February 25, 2000. Dr. Berger and his entire staff were wonderful. The surgery lasted a little over an hour. I had minimal pain and my tube lengths are 8 cm on both sides. Oh, how good it feels to be whole again. I can't wait to get pregnant and nurse a newborn baby again.

August 2000 ~ Six months later, we conceived! I was the happiest woman alive, for 8 weeks anyway. I had an ultrasound and I was told that I was going to miscarry because the embryo never developed. I had what is called a “blighted ovum”. Both Michael and I sat in the Doctors office in shock. I cried my heart out to God and begged Him to please save this baby. I went to three different Doctors over the next two weeks and had different ultrasounds. They all confirmed the same thing.

April 2001 ~ My niece gave birth to a baby boy. She named him Hunter. We were due just one month apart. Oh, the bond I had with that little fellow. I fell head over heals in love with him. He spent many nights at our home and I put all my broken heart into caring for him. One afternoon in August I received a phone call from my niece saying Hunter was in the hospital, to come quickly. We dropped everything and went. He was there because of “Shaken Baby Syndrome.” Her boyfriend had been abusing him. At this point Hunter was just 3 ½ months old. They air lifted him to children’s hospital. They told us he would most likely not make it or if he did, he would be severely handicapped and possibly mentally retarded. We were at the hospital every day and Michael laid hands on Hunter's head and prayed for his recovery. I was asked by a social worker if we would be Hunter’s foster parents. We quickly agreed. Hunter came to live with us. We made many trips to Dr appointments, physical therapy and meetings with social workers and court appearances. It was a very stressful and emotional time for all of us. Once we got used to Hunter being here, we couldn’t imagine him not being here.

In September 2001, I conceived again. I was overjoyed and couldn’t praise God enough! Six weeks later, I miscarried. There were no reasons why. It just happened. Again, through my broken heart, I poured myself into this baby I was caring for. Only this time, I was about to experience another hurt, even more painful. We were asked if we would adopt Hunter. To that we quickly agreed. We went to court and the judge decided to have Hunter go back home. The deep sense of pain I felt at that time was almost unbearable. The judge gave us 3 hours to go home and pack all Hunters things. At 5:00 on December 15, 2001, the social worker came into our home, loaded up all Hunters things and took a sleeping Hunter out of my arms for the final time. We were all heart broken.

In March 2002, I conceived again but miscarried 2 days after getting a positive home pregnancy test. I was so mad at God. I told Him, “If you are only going to allow me to conceive only to take the babies back, I don’t ever want to be pregnant again!” I feel like God has totally forgot about me, is ignoring my constant plea for another baby. The thought of conceiving are almost overwhelming. It used to be so easy. Now, it seems impossible. During this time, I had an hsg (a test to see if my tubes were open). I found out my left tube was open but my right tube was blocked. I had a Dr do what is called a selective hsg. That is where they go up through the cervix with a thin catheter and open the tube. He was successful and did get it open.

November 2003 ~ We began infertility treatments which consisted of constant trips to the Dr. (which were 85 miles one way) ultrasounds, blood tests, infertility meds, shots and then the dreaded two week wait to see if it worked. We did 6 cycles of infertility meds with IUI (intrauterine insemination). I responded very well to the meds and always had 5-7 mature follicles but never conceived. Our insurance would only cover 6 cycles and then we were done. We had nothing else left. All we could do was pray, wait, and trust in God. January 19, 2005, I had another hsg. I found out my right tube was blocked AGAIN!

March 4, 2005 ~ I went to see another Dr. to discuss having laprascopic surgery to see the condition of my tubes and everything else.

March 21, 2005 ~ I went in and had a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy. The made a little incision in my belly button and one right beside my right hip bone. They viewed all my reproductive anatomy. The Dr. was able to get my right tube open (praise God) But he did say that it looked like a bomb had gone off in there because there were massive amounts of scar tissue. He couldn’t even visualize the left side. The surgery took a little over an hour. He used a laser to remove a lot of the scar tissue but I will have to go back and have this done again on the left side. They may even have to possibly open me up to be able to get at it.

April 11, 2005 ~ I met with the Dr. again to discuss what to do next. He wants me to heal a bit more and then come in for an ultrasound on May 2. At that time we will discuss where to go from here. I got good results, my CD~3 FSH was 6.6 so I am still ovulating good.

May 2, 2005 ~ I went to see the Dr. again. I had an ultrasound. The Dr. discussed with us about having a laporotomy. It is where they make a 5-11 inch incision in your lower abdomen and go in and clean out as much scar tissue as possible with a laser. I scheduled the surgery for June 10th but now I am having second thoughts. I am just going to wait now and pray as to where to go from here. Do I give up or keep going??????

December 29, 2005 ~ I went into surgery this morning at 7:30. The surgery took 1 ½ hours. The Dr. told me he was able to remove all the adhesions and scar tissue. He said my ovaries, uterus and everything looked great. Also, both my tubes are wide open and healthy. He told me to give it a few months to heal and we can begin to try and conceive. Well, since we don’t believe in birth control, we are not waiting. We are praying God does a miracle.

February 25, 2007 ~ Today is the SEVEN YEAR anniversary of my tubal reversal. We still have no babies. Oh how I wish I understood why God has not given us more children. And, why has He lead us down this long, painful journey? MY heart is broken!

February 1, 2008 ~ After reading over my testimony this far, I see things so differently. I see that we were obedient in having the reversal and making my body as close to the way God created it. I see that we repented from taking my fertility into my own hands and placed it back in God's. I also see that I made having another baby *my god*. I tried to *help* God accomplish what *I* wanted. I have now laid it all down at His feet and have accepted His will, no matter what the outcome. I see that through this great trial, our daughters know just how precious their fertility is, just how big God is, and that HE alone is the One who opens and closes the womb.

Time with my girls

Today my two youngest daughters and I met my oldest daughter for lunch.We laughed a lot and had a great time together. I didn't have my camera with to take a picture. But, I do have this great picture of our girls laughing together and having a good time.

Hubby & Me

My sweet husband and me taken December 2009

Our Girls

These are our three beautiful daughters!

From left to right, Kristina 15, Kelli 23, and Kaitlyn 17

Goin' to the chapel, and I'm gonna get married.....

Our oldest daughter, Kelli is engaged!! They have set the wedding date for October 30, 2010. Everything has been going very smoothly thus far. We've got the dress bought, the flowers picked out, the cake ordered, and the venue booked. All we have to do now is wait for the big day.